


Visiting Hours

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Artistic License, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Prison, Referenced Assisted Suicide, possible happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 04:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron's time in remand following Robert's shooting is made both better and worse by his visitors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Visiting Hours

**Author's Note:**

> As Aaron is – I believe at this point – an unconvicted criminal, I think I’m correct in saying no one needs to apply to see him? So, he doesn’t know who is going to be visiting him – he is just told if there is someone there to see him. (Even if that’s not the case, pretend it is for this story!) Also, the lack of touching, I added as a little bit of extra angst, and also because I would imagine that his drug dealing convictions would still be on police file – therefore, no hugging/holding hands in case visitors are trying to pass him drugs, and vice versa.

‘Aaron.’ 

When he saw who was waiting for him during visiting hours, Aaron almost turned and walked back into his cell. But he heard the plea in Robert’s voice, and something in him needed to see him. Some god awful part of him which also made it okay to pick up a blade and slice his skin again and again. He shook his head, walked to the table and towered over Robert, who was sitting down. ‘What the hell do you want?’ he spat.

‘To see you,’ Robert said softly. 

He spread his arms, ‘Well? You’ve seen me. Happy now?’

Robert raked his eyes over the younger man’s body. ‘Hardly. Please, Aaron, sit down.’

His nostrils flared, and he looked away in aggravation, but Aaron took a seat at the opposite end of the table. He could feel Robert’s eyes on him, taking in every little detail of Aaron’s face, his body, the way he held himself. Aaron knew what he looked like. He had seen it in his Mum’s eyes when she came to visit him, could hear it in her voice: she was worried for him, because he looked like a broken man. There were heavy bags under his eyes, darker than death row. His face was sallow; his beard unkempt; his hair was greasy and stuck to his forehead. He had given up all hope. It was the second time in the past year or so he’d been in this place, and this time felt a lot more final. As he had told his Mum, no matter what, he was looking at doing time in prison. And now Robert was here to rub salt in the wounds.

‘Aaron, I am _so sorry_ ,’ Robert said. There was a slight breathlessness to his voice, and he held a hand to his chest, to the scar under his shirt. It made Aaron’s heart beat a little faster: he couldn’t help thinking back to that night, when he had seen the man bleeding at his Mum’s feet. Despite everything, Aaron would not have chosen Robert to end that way.

‘Save it,’ he snarled. ‘It’s because of you that I’m in here.’

Robert frowned and a look of confusion passed over his face. ‘How do you figure that?’

‘If you hadn’t come after me, hadn’t _chased_ after me the way you did; if you had just kept to your perfectly normal life with your little wife...’ He took a breath, gaining control of his emotions. ‘None of this should have happened, Robert.’ He could feel the tears in his eyes, the lump in his throat. 

Robert swallowed. ‘And what, you regret all of that, do you?’ The arrogance was coming back into his voice, but it was laced with something a lot more lethal: vulnerability. ‘You regret _everything_ we did together? Regret the love that we shared?’

‘What we shared wasn’t _love_ , Robert,’ Aaron hissed, conscious of the men around him who would be listening in on their conversation, waiting to take advantage of the gay prisoner. ‘It was manipulation and-and lies and... pain. It wasn’t love.’ He leant forward in his seat, enough to see the flecks of green in his former lover’s eyes, enough to see the pain swirling in his tears. ‘I said what I needed to say at the lodge. I don’t love you.’

Without waiting to see Robert’s tears fall, Aaron got up and walked away.

****

The next time it was visiting hours, Aaron almost didn’t go. It was only the thought that it could be his Mum or Paddy or Cain waiting to see him and talk to him that made him take those steps through the barred door. He stopped in his tracks, however, when he saw Victoria standing there, looking a little out of place, but with a challenge in the square of her shoulders and the tilt of her head. Aaron closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of regret that he had ever got involved with that family. 

‘What?’ he said, sitting down.

Victoria raised her eyebrows, but sat opposite him. ‘Well, that’s charming. I come to see ya, and this is what I get?’

Aaron shook his head. ‘What are you doin’ here, Vic? Last I knew you were desperate for me to spend a lifetime in prison.’

Victoria had the decency to look ashamed. ‘I know, and I’m sorry, Aaron. But can you blame me? My brother was in hospital; I didn’t know if he would live or die! Of course I was gonna latch onto anyone to pay the price for that.’

‘I didn’t do it, Vic,’ and it came out quieter than he would have liked.

Her eyes softened. ‘I know, Aaron. Well, I know now.’ She looked down at her feet. ‘Robert doesn’t believe it was you, you know?’

‘Yeah, right.’ Aaron tried to hide his surprise, but not well enough it seemed, if Victoria’s slight knowing smile was anything to go by. Or maybe she just knew him that well. He ran his hands through his hair. ‘Look, even if he doesn’t believe I did it, that doesn’t help me in here, does it? And what the hell should I care what he thinks anyway? The guy brought it on himself.’

‘Aaron!’

‘What? D’you expect me to say now that I love him again? Don’t be stupid, Vic.’

Her eyes narrowed and she leant forward in her seat. ‘You can’t love him _again_ if you were never out of love with him, Aaron!’

‘Just leave it, Vic, alright? I don’t need this. Not now, and not in here.’

‘Fine.’ She huffed and leant back in the chair, crossing one knee over the next. ‘You’re both as stubborn as each other,’ she mumbled, but not low enough for Aaron to not hear. Then louder, she said, ‘So how are you?’

Aaron barked a laugh. ‘I’m havin’ a great time, Vic. It’s like a flamin’ holiday camp here. I don’t know why I didn’t come sooner.’ He regretted his words as soon as he saw the hurt flash in her eyes. ‘I didn’t... I didn’t mean it, Vic.’ He sniffed suddenly and rubbed his wrist across his nose. ‘I keep thinkin’ about things in here: Jackson, Mum. How is she gonna cope if I’m banged up here for ten years?’ His lip wobbled and he bit it harshly between his teeth. 

‘It’s not gonna come to that, Aaron,’ Victoria said gently. ‘All of us, we’ll try and do whatever we can to make sure that doesn’t happen. You’re gonna be okay.’

He looked away from her and shrugged tiredly, trying desperately not to let the tears fall. ‘I can’t believe that, Vic. I find it so hard to hope when I’m stuck here in the dead of night, listening to these guys around me sobbing or talking to themselves for company. I can’t stand it, Vic.’

****

Chas came to see him again a few days later. She looked awful, almost as awful as he did. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, to let them comfort each other, but he couldn’t. Once again he cursed himself for being so stupid as to hide that gun.

‘Hello, love,’ she said, her smile straining on her mouth like the last leg of a spider hanging on for dear life. ‘You alright?’

‘Fine,’ he answered. He didn’t tell her the truth, but from the way her smile started to fracture, he didn’t need to. ‘How are you?’ he asked instead.

‘Oh, you know,’ she said, breathlessly, trying to keep the tears at bay. ‘The place is quiet without ya.’ They both forced a laugh. ‘The sooner you’re out of here and back with me, the better. All the silence is killin’ me.’ She realised too late what she had said, and her lips pursed shut. ‘Openin’ my big gob again!’

‘Mum, don’t,’ Aaron pleaded. ‘I’m fine, honestly. You don’t have to worry about me... you know...’

Chas nodded, but it was a disjointed motion of a thing. ‘Course not, no. I know that, love.’ She smiled again. He only realised when a tear started to fall down her cheek that she wasn’t wearing make-up.

‘Oh god, Mum, don’t cry, please,’ he said, on the verge of tears himself.

‘I’m sorry, baby,’ she sobbed breathlessly. ‘I just ca-can’t stand seein’ you in here. My poor boy.’

He wiped his own tears away. ‘Mum, please.’ She reached out a hand and stroked his cheek, his rough beard grazing her soft skin. He grasped it to his face and kissed her palm, the tears flowing faster. She pulled away at a look from a prison officer. ‘Don’t worry about me, Mum. You just concentrate on gettin’ yourself better, yeah?’

She nodded again, brushing the tears from her cheeks and sniffing. ‘Yeah, yeah, ‘course.’ She composed herself as much as she could, then tried smiling for him again. ‘Victoria said she came to see ya?’

Aaron nodded. ‘Yeah, just came to see how I was, yeah.’ He nodded with his whole body, trying to appear normal for her. He decided not to mention Robert’s visit. She didn’t need the aggravation of thinking about the two of them. ‘How’s Paddy?’

‘He’s fine, I think. I don’t know, really. Haven’t seen him for ages. Haven’t seen anyone for ages.’ 

‘...But... you’re alright, yeah? I mean, with everythin’ goin’ on, and you know--’ he gestured to his own head.

‘Yeah, I’m fine, love. Don’t worry about me.’ She smiled again. They really were two of a kind: both knew the other was lying, neither wanted to call them on it.

****

Aaron was ready for Robert the next time he visited. It was still a shock to see him, but he had overcome it the first time. ‘Back again?’ he sneered.

‘Yeah,’ Robert answered, his voice calm and collected. Once again, his eyes raked over Aaron, taking him in, seeing for himself how he looked. 

Aaron sat at the table, this time wanting to have it out with Robert, to make sure the older man never got it into his head to visit him again. ‘What are you here for? Really?’

Robert’s brows furrowed and a small chuckle of confusion slipped past his lips. ‘What d’you mean? I came to see you. Same as last time.’

‘Yeah, except it’s never just as simple as that with you, is it?’ Aaron’s voice was low; menacing. He saw Robert swallow and felt a minor victory that he had made the man uncomfortable. ‘What, you checking to see if I’m harming again? Eh? Or maybe you’re checking to see if I’m still around – that I haven’t tried and failed again to kill myself.’

Robert looked as if Aaron had struck him. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. ‘What? Aaron, where--’

‘Yeah, maybe you don’t remember one of the last conversations we had, Robert, but I sure as hell do. I remember all those things you said to me. And I remember how I felt when you said them.’ He looked Robert straight in the eye. ‘You know, I have never – _never_ – felt like that before. Even after Jackson, I was in a seriously bad place. I lost the man I loved; I had to live with the guilt of having killed him. I thought that was the worst I could feel. And then you said those things to me, and I realised that you – you are the only person who can make me hurt like that.’

Tears were dripping from Robert’s eyes, but he made no move to wipe them away. ‘Aaron, those things I said to you... I didn’t mean it. I just wanted a reaction... I--’

‘A reaction, yeah? Well, you got one of those, Robert. I don’t ever want to see you again, do you understand me? I don’t want to see your face again. I don’t want to even _think_ about you again. Just get out of my life, Robert. I don’t want you in it.’

****

‘What did you do to Robert, Aaron?’

Said man blinked and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he could speak. ‘Vic, I-I thought you believed me. I didn’t shoot hi--’

‘Not that. When he came to see ya. What did you do to him? He came back, and as soon as I asked him how it went, he started crying.’

Aaron’s mouth curled into a vicious snarl. ‘Yeah, well he deserved it, Vic. After all that he did to me; everything that he said to me--’

‘Yeah, he told me about that.’

He couldn’t help it, he let out a disbelieving laugh. ‘Told you everything, did he? About the scrapyard?’

‘Yes, Aaron, he told me everything. And yes, for a second I thought that he deserved to be crying, for his heart to be broken. But I would have thought that you out of anyone would understand what he was doing.’

Aaron shook his head. ‘Hold on, so Robert gets shot, and suddenly he’s a saint? Suddenly he can do no wrong? What the hell, Victoria?’

‘I’m not sayin’ he wasn’t wrong. I’m not denyin’ that sometimes he can be an utter pillock. But Aaron, he was _lashing out at someone he loved_. Surely you can understand that?’

Aaron’s mind flashed to Paddy’s bruised and battered face, the night he had discovered Aaron’s sexuality, and Jackson’s face the time in the pub when he had hit him, his Mum every time he let her down in one way or another. He shook his head. ‘It’s not the same,’ he whispered.

‘How is it different then, Aaron?’ When he couldn’t answer her, Victoria went on. ‘It isn’t is it? He was lashing out at you, the same you do to people you love. People gave you second chances, Aaron, sometimes more.’ She sighed. ‘I’m not sayin’ you should forgive and forget right away. It’s not just gonna go away, but I just want you to _try_ and understand why he did it.’

‘Vic, I get that he’s your brother and you’re supporting him. I really do. But he took everything I had ever told him and used it against me. I don’t know if I _can_ forgive him for that. I don’t know if I want to.’

****

For the first time since he was put in this place, Aaron felt a real smile (as small as it was) grace his face. Paddy and Adam were sat waiting for him. 

‘Alright, lad?’ Adam smiled as Aaron joined them.

‘Yeah. You?’

‘Yeah, I’m doin’ fine, mate.’

Aaron turned to Paddy. ‘Alright, Paddy?’

Paddy nodded. ‘Yeah. Not bad. How are you holding up?’

Aaron shrugged. ‘I’ve stayed at better places.’ Paddy’s eyes saddened behind his new glasses (which Aaron still could not get used to seeing), and Adam turned away. ‘So,’ Aaron said, breaking the awkward tension. ‘How’s Leo, eh?’

‘He’s doing great,’ Paddy said, a smile lighting up his fatherly face. ‘I think he misses you, though. Me and Rhona miss you as well, you know. You were the only one who could keep him quiet most days.’

‘Aaron’s got the magic touch, mate,’ Adam said, grinning at his best friend. ‘Gonna make an awesome dad one day.’

‘Yeah well. Don’t hold your breath, eh?’ The tension returned, this time more loaded than the first time. They wanted to say something about the situation, but none of them knew quite how to broach the subject.

In the end, it was Paddy. ‘Aaron, I-I saw your mum a couple of days ago.’

The concern in his voice immediately made Aaron worry. ‘What? Is she okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah, no she’s fine. She’s just worried about you, mate.’ Paddy rubbed his hands together nervously. ‘She said that you looked... well, awful were her words, actually.’

‘She doesn’t mince her words, does she?’

‘We’re all worried, Aaron,’ Adam chimed in. ‘After what Cain told us those weeks ago.’

Aaron’s eyes widened. ‘He told you about that?’

‘He couldn’t not, Aaron,’ Paddy said calmly. ‘He was worried that you might do something... well something stupid.’

‘What, like get involved with Robert flamin’ Sugden, you mean?’ Aaron said, self-deprecation clear in his voice. 

Paddy just looked at him calmly. ‘You know what I mean, Aaron.’

‘Yeah, I know. But look, tell Mum she doesn’t have to worry, alright? I’m fine.’

Paddy exclaimed, ‘But you’re not, are ya?’ at the same time that Adam said, ‘C’mon, mate.’

Aaron looked between them helplessly. ‘Yeah, well, I’m not doin’... cartwheels or anythin’, but I’m not... in that place anymore. Vic told me Robert doesn’t believe it was me, so the sooner the police start workin’ out who actually did it, the better.’ He looked down at his hands, but he could feel their eyes on him; challenging him.

Suddenly Paddy got to his feet. ‘Is there a toilet around here?’

‘I dunno. You’ll have to ask them,’ Aaron said, nodding to one of the officers.

As soon as he was gone, Adam leant across the table. ‘I’m glad he’s gone. Listen, mate, I need to talk to you about Robert.’

‘Adam, I really don’t wanna talk about him investing in the scrapyard right now.’

‘No, it’s not that.’ Adam shifted in his seat. ‘Look, he’s going around the village, yeah, telling anyone who’ll listen that it wasn’t you who shot him. He’s even sayin’ that Chrissie shot him and had you framed.’

‘You what?’ Aaron frowned and his eyes drifted as he thought about Robert implicating his wife in his shooting. He shook his head. ‘Wait, why are you tellin’ me this? You’re not his biggest fan.’

Adam shrugged. ‘I’m seein’ the guy in a new light. He’s changed, Aaron, since he got out of hospital. Less of arrogant prick Robert, more a... an okay to be around Robert. Plus he’s Vic’s brother. I’ve kinda got to know him more than I did before.’

‘Did Vic put you up to this?’

‘No. I’m just sayin’, mate. The guy is doing a lot to get you out of here.’

****

‘Thought I told you I didn’t want to see you again?’

‘Yeah. But when have I ever done what I’m told?’

Aaron felt a smile tug at his mouth. ‘You’re unbelievable, you know that?’

‘I’ve been told.’ For a fraction of a second, the old Robert was back, the one who could charm Aaron into doing whatever Robert chose, no matter where they were. Then, he reverted back into someone softer, calmer, less sure. ‘I had to see you again, Aaron. I don’t care what you say to me, I just—I just need to see you.’

Aaron swallowed thickly. His emotions were swarming around his mind like restless bees. This Robert – this less sure, but more sincere Robert – he had seen only a handful of times in the eight months of their affair. The week they spent at Home Farm; helping out at the farm; when Robert had told Aaron he loved him. Each time, Aaron had fallen a bit more in love with him, and had given more of himself to this man who had a wife, step-son and the big house on the hill. Aaron had nothing to offer Robert but his heart, and even that had duct tape in places. But Robert had loved him anyway. Or so Aaron thought. 

‘I don’t know if I can trust anything you say anymore, Robert,’ he whispered. ‘You’ve hurt me so much. And you turned me into someone I despise: someone weak for just a touch or a glance. And a home wrecker. I _know_ what happens to families like that, Robert. I know how much it messes everyone up, but I did it. For you.’

‘I’m so sorry. I love you, Aaron.’

‘I don’t know what that means anymore when you say it.’

‘It means that you can trust me. You can trust what I say. I love you more than I’ve loved _anyone_ , Aaron. I will do anything for you.’

‘And you’ll probably _still_ end up hurtin’ me.’

‘Yeah, and you’ll probably hurt me, too. I’m not promising anything perfect, Aaron. Neither of us are cut out for that.’ He leant forward, his hands reaching out for the younger man, but at the last moment remembered where they were and pulled back. ‘I love you, Aaron. I promise you, I love you. Do you—do you love me?’

Aaron looked into Robert’s eyes. ‘Yeah.’ But he sounded so _tired_.

****

‘Oh my god!’

Chas was up and running to him as soon as she lay eyes on him. She put her hands gently on Aaron’s bruised face, pulling away only when an officer told her that was enough. They sat at a table, Chas not taking her eyes off her son for a second, as if the bruises would suddenly start to multiply. ‘Aaron, love, what happened?’

Aaron’s left eye was swollen shut, and black. His lip was cut and bruised, as was his left cheek. He shook his head. ‘Nothin’, Mum,’ he said. His voice was muffled, and every time he opened his mouth too wide, the cut would start to bleed onto his teeth and tongue.

‘Doesn’t look like flamin’ nothin’,’ she said, her voice becoming more and more shrill the more control she lost over her emotions. ‘Oh, love, your lip.’

He dabbed at the cut with the back of his hand, grimacing when it came away bloody. An officer walked over and handed him a cloth. Aaron held it there until the bleeding stopped. ‘It’s a prison, Mum, these things happen.’

‘Well, they shouldn’t! Isn’t that what the officers are here for?’

‘Look, don’t make a scene, alright?’ Aaron said, looking around at the rest of the young men in the room, checking to see if anyone was paying them any attention. ‘There was a new guy, a few days ago. Homophobic guy. Apparently he recognised my face from the paper years ago when I came out in court.’

Chas’s eyes hardened. ‘And where is he now?’ she asked, looking around, on the verge of jumping up and defending her son if need be.

‘He’s been moved to solitary. The officers saw that he threw the first punch. Lucky for me.’ The same officer walked past and took the cloth from Aaron when he’d finished with it. ‘Anyway, how have you been?’

‘Eh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine, love. Actually feeling a lot better. I’ve been sleeping better ‘cos of those pills I was given, so it’s been a lot calmer now.’

‘Good. I’m glad.’ He breathed a laugh through his nose. ‘You can’t tell, but I’m smiling!’

His mum laughed. It was the best sound he’d heard in ages.

****

Robert rose from the seat so quickly, he nearly fainted. He would have rushed to Aaron’s side if he knew he wouldn’t be pushed away both by the man himself and by the prison officer. ‘What the hell happened?’ he exclaimed, drawing a few eyes in their direction. 

The younger man shook his head and sat down at the table. ‘Nothin’. I’m fine.’

‘Clearly you’re not, Aaron.’ He wanted to reach out to soothe his former lover, to press kisses against the bruised skin. But for now he had to be content with not being pushed away by him; content with the fact that he didn’t have to coax Aaron to come and sit with him when he saw Robert. ‘Who did this to you, eh?’

‘Why, you gonna tell the teachers?’ Aaron scoffed. ‘Don’t worry about it. This,’ he gestured to his black eye, ‘is nothing.’

‘Doesn’t stop me worrying.’

‘Yeah, well, you lost the right to worry about me ages ago, mate.’

They sat awkwardly, the silence kept at bay by the dozens of other conversations around them.

‘Your mum seems to be getting better,’ Robert said quietly. ‘She’s almost back to her old self: a force to be reckoned with!’

Aaron couldn’t help a soft laugh at the thought of his mum shouting and bawling the odds the way she used to, striding around the pub like a queen in her palace. 

Robert, encouraged by Aaron’s smile, continued. ‘Vic said she saw her in the kitchen on Tuesday, giving Marlon what for ‘cos apparently her ‘punters don’t want none of your fancy mush, just a regular pie and chips will do!’’

Aaron snorted a laugh at that. ‘Yeah, she always used to take the mick out of Marlon for his fancy dishes. Told him he wasn’t working with Anthony Worral Thompson.’ He smiled again at the memory.

‘I’ve missed seeing you smile,’ Robert murmured. They looked at each other and both felt a warmth between them which couldn’t be denied. ‘Aaron--’

‘Rob, don’t,’ the younger man interrupted. ‘I can’t do this right now. My head’s all over the shop.’

Robert nodded. ‘I understand. But please, don’t give up on me, alright? On us.’

‘I could be in here for _years_.’

‘Then I’ll wait for you.’ He frowned in mock anger when Aaron guffawed with laughter. ‘What? I’m serious!’ Once Aaron’s laugh had subsided, Robert looked at him with soft, gentle eyes. ‘I’ll wait as long as I have to for you, Aaron.’


End file.
